The Dark Tower

I've read the entire Dark Tower book series by Stephen King. Over the past few years I'd started it and slowly made my way through the various books detailing the adventure of Roland the Gunslinger and his crew. 

For me, the series worked really well on several levels but came with a lot of baggage. It's insanely overlong (I'd even argue that one of the books doesn't need to exist) and gets just too weird sometimes. 

A lot of people herald it as King's masterpiece. I guess it is in the sense that it's an ambitious epic story, but I personally feel as if he's written better books. Many will also speak to how fluidly he blends genres within the novels -- from Westerns to sci-fi to horror. Sure, it blends, but a lot of times the switches between feels of each are jarring. 

Suffice it to say that I'm not The Dark Tower's (books) biggest fan, but I did enjoy reading them and I'd recommend them to anyone willing to take on the task of doing so. 

Despite my solid-B-average rating of the series, I was still interested to see just how on earth a Dark Tower film would get pulled off. Or a tandem TV series for that matter. To me, The Dark Tower book series exists better on the page because so much of what it does -- the weird stuff -- would just be flat out dumb on screen. As the cast rounded out with Elba and McConaughey, I became more intrigued. Maybe they were really going to take a solid stab at this material? 

Over recent months that interest of seeing the film has turned to unfortunate obligation. Previews were scarce and dull and the decision to go PG-13 with material that is 110% R-rated in the novels was a huge blow. But how could I not see this film, given that I'd devoted so much time to the series in book form? 

I should first declare that The Dark Tower is not a bad film. It is just an atrociously average one. There's a lot of memorable material in King's novels and the world building he does is truly grand. None of that translated well to the screen, if at all, and we're left with potentially the most forgettable film of 2017. 

It could have had a very Lord of the Rings vibe. Instead...

The Dark Tower's biggest problem is that I'm not even sure it knows what it is. In the last year we've heard adaptation, prequel, sequel, etc. (in relation to the book series) and what it really is is LAZY. Bits and pieces are taken from King's books and thrown into a narrative, one that never hints toward previous stories (if it's a sequel) or follows the first book's trajectory in the slightest (if it's an adaptation). Even Roland's singular motive, the thing that drives him in the book, is completely changed. No longer is he seeking to reach the Tower, which is 100% of the reason the first books existed. Instead, he's out to kill the Man in Black. Essentially, the film takes an adventure quest a la Lord of the Rings and swaps it out for a tale of revenge that's significantly less interesting (or marketable). Any references to the books seem haphazardly thrown in and all of the R-rated bite and consequences of the original book are nowhere to be found. It's an "adaptation" only in the sense that they carried over character names and titles. 

Oooo look! The Flatiron Building!

So the film we're left with ends up not being all that interesting. It's significantly watered down with the PG-13 rating and moves along a series of exposition dumps that will confuse general audiences and make series loyalists go "What the f**k are they doing?". It moves along at a swift pace luckily and the short runtime (around the 90 minute mark) works in its favor since it decided to take the easy way out. The action is fine, but every "coolest" part has already made it to the trailers. Even the original score, from Junkie XL, is completely uninspired just as are the special effects and cinematography. It's like everyone came to work for this film and said, "You know what? I'm completely comfortable with putting in 70% effort today!"

Even with its star power, The Dark Tower remains uncompelling. With the two central figures on board, this should have been a home run. It could have been a home run. Instead, we're left with a dreadfully bored-looking Elba who seems to want out of the frame every chance he gets and a cast of supporting characters, including Jake, who I won't remember come tomorrow. McConaughey is the only one who brings something a little special as you can tell he's enjoying playing the baddie, but by the end even he looks tired of it all.

Give me a better, R-rated version of this ^^ movie please!

As a [mild] fan of the book series, I'm not sure what to even think of the film. I'm not entirely positive how the net result of an "adaptation" or even a "sequel" equates to what we got. A lack of effort seems to be at the core of it all, along with a damning decision to go PG-13 and equally damning decision (or indecision rather) to figure out just what in the hell this film should be in relation to the books. The result is a film that drips mediocrity in nearly every scene and, given the stellar year of film we've had thus far, one that audiences won't remember come Monday. 

Such a shame. 

CONS

• It can't decide what it wants to be and suffers tremendously for it. An "adaptation" this is absolutely not
• The story we are presented has wildly different motives for our character and isn't all that exciting
• The entire cast looks bored, even (and maybe especially) Elba
• Phoned-in original score
• Best action was in the trailers
• Why PG-13 again? Awful decision

PROS

• The elements of the book that do make it over make the film more interesting
• Easier to follow along than I would have presumed
• Quick pacing
• Sufficient action 
• McConaughey looks like he's having fun for most of the film

Rath's Review Score | 5/10