Mama

Let me be up front and honest with you:

It takes a lot for a horror movie to impress me. I would even say that it takes quite a bit for a horror movie to scare me (Paranormal Activity excluded). If I really had to think about it, I would say that it is my least favorite genre simply because I think it has the highest percentage of stinkers. Think about it...we get like maybe one good horror movie per year, two if we are lucky? And when is the last time you have seen an absolutely classic horror film? I truly think it is a genre that rinses-recycles-repeats far more than the others and that's saying something given the state of Hollywood these days. I'm a person that has seen about 10 horror movies in his life, give or take a couple, and other than a few standouts they all seem nearly exactly the same to me. 

Now I know that there are people out there that feel the same way about action movies, or sci-fi/fantasy movies, or Will Ferrell comedies...but I still feel that even an uninspired version of those movies can still be entertaining. BUT, there are clearly always exceptions to the ru -- 

"Mama"

Oh well this is odd...there seems to be a little girl that just walked into my room. Excuse me while I take care of this. 

"Um hello little girl, I'm in the middle of writing a review. Would you mind?"

Ah good, she left. Now where was I? Something about mediocrity in horror movies, blah, blah, blah...we all know I go off on tangents sometimes (read: most times). 

Jessica Chastain with red hair or black hair (or is she hot either way)?
Vote in the user poll! *Note: that is not the topic of the user poll
but vote anyway!*

Mama is a horror movie about two little girls, Victoria and Lilly, who end up living out in the woods after some sad circumstances with their mother and father. Cue a time lapse to 5 years later and you have where the bulk of the movie takes place. The girls are found in the woods and taken to live in a home with loving parents because apparently that will undo the 5 years of savagely surviving in the woods. Oh horror movies! Your logic is flawless! But in all seriousness, Mama is actually very creepy for a large portion of the movie. It hits a sweet spot where it doesn't overdo it, but we become somewhat attached to the girls and Annabel (Chastain) so we care about what is happening (or at least about as attached as you can to a horror-movie character). The movie is not very scary in the make-you-jump sense, although there are a couple of those. More so it is just creepy and situation-scary. I wasn't ever terrif --

This is the little girl that keeps coming into my room.
Have you seen her mother?

"Mama"

"Oh dear sweet baby Jesus! You scared the s**t out of me little girl! How long have you been standing there?"

"Mama"

"Hmmm...OK. Can you say anything else?...Could you leave?...I am trying to finish this review." 

Wow. Sorry about that. She just came out of f**king nowhere, seriously. But it's all good now. I shoved her into my roommate's room and locked my door. No idea who's kid she is...we should probably call the police? Eh...I'll finish this review first.

As I was saying, Mama is not super scary, but it did hold my interest. That is until the end. And thus is my main problem with horror movies is that they just usually go bananas at the end and often not in a good way (once again, excluding the Paranormal Activities). Mama is no exception to that rule, at least in my opinion. It goes from being a strong, albeit not very scary horror movie, to a half-hearted sentimental film about a mother's lov --

"Mama" 

"AHHHH! What the? How the? What are you doing on my ceiling?! GO AWAY LITTLE GIRL! Wait...who is that there with you? Oh my God! What is that thing?!" 

"Mama"

"Of course it is. Listen...I need you to get out of my room right now so I can finish this revie -- ARGHH UH ARGH *head slamming multiple times* ARGH UGH *loud, disgusting gurgling noise* UGHhhhh...."

We believe that this little girl and this creature, code name: MAMA,
are responsible for the tragic, saddening death of the greatest
movie critic of all time, Mr. Jordan Rath. If you have any information
about the death or events leading to his death you are urged to call
the President of the United States. Yes, it is that high of a priority...

*Note: I did not actually die/get murdered. Please do not call the President as he will have no idea what you are talking about.*

To wrap up this review of Mama I will say this: in the horror genre, you could do A LOT worse than Mama, but given all the fabulous movies that are in theaters right now, you could also do a lot better outside of the genre. If you need a horror fix, this is probably your best bet for the time being. 

Pros:

• Jessica Chastain is a FOX. She also does well acting-wise
• The little girl actresses were not the best child actors I have ever seen, but nor were they anywhere near the worst
• All in all, the movie is enjoyable and holds your attention. The back story is interesting enough and the creature is more terrifying that laughable
• A few good scares here and there

Cons:

• Not a terrible horror movie, but not a great one either; it falls right around average. Although, I will say that overall I was ever-so-slightly surprised at the amount that I liked it
• Just like every other horror movie, it features a slew of completely idiotic and irrational decisions made by adult characters
• The ending is stupid. Plain and simple

Rath's Review Score: 5.5/10