This Means War

CRITICS. ARE. MORONS. Plain and simple...tried and true. They were saying that this was possibly going to be one of the worst movies of the year and I almost began to believe them. Was is true that a film that came from the guy (director McG) who created the lovable TV series, Chuck, could really be so bad? Could something with the up-and-coming superstars of Chris Pine and Tom Hardy really be so blatantly boring? Could a movie with Reese Witherspoon be anything less than perky? Answers: No. No. And No. Critics are stupid and I feel stupid for letting them almost influence me to miss this movie. Thank God for $4 movies or else I probably would have skipped it due to their idiotic opinions.

Bane and Captain Kirk looking mighty dapper

This Means War tells the story of two of the CIA's top agents, who coincidentally are best friends, who end up falling for the same girl through a string of bad luck. If you have ever seen Chuck, you know that spies and love stories are McG's specialty. No this movie doesn't have the strength of the characters as Chuck had (I'm not sure many shows or movies ever could for that matter), nor does it have a love story that you really truly care about. But what it does have is a hilarious, and I mean hilarious, way of carrying out how these two spies fight over the same girl while trying to abide by their "gentlemen's agreement". I was surprised by the chemistry that the cast had together. While there is no insane bond between any one actor, Tuck (Tom Hardy) and FDR (Chris Pine) play friends believably, but they are better at being frenemies and bickering. Reese Witherspoon is the role she always is with the sweet girl-next-door and has a certain amount of chemistry with each guy. And her married friend, played perfectly by Chelsea Handler, offers some of the best comedy of the entire movie and I would be willing to bet that she was the reason that the movie originally received an R-rating. 

Im not always a fan of Chelsea Handler, but she was priceless
in This Means War

This Means War truly has some hilarious scenarios scattered throughout. The paintball scene had me nearly in tears, I kid you not, and I could watch it over and over again. Also surprising was the amount of one-liners that are in this movie. I don't remember any off the top of my head (surprising, I know) but I just remember laughing at the banter between Tuck and FDR or some of the things that their recon teams would say.


Much like many of McG's other endeavors however, the film lacks a plot besides the "fight for the girl" one. Which would be OK except for the fact that it tries to squeeze in a subplot of some Russian (it's always the Russians I swear!) guy who wants to kill them and literally doesn't come into play besides the beginning of the movie and the very end. I think the guy has a total of 4 minutes of screen time. My guess is that this subplot is why so many critics hate the film so much because I think Michael Bay could develop a better subplot. Ultimately the movie would have been a lot better off without any subplot and if it would have just focused entirely on the main plot. 

Reese Witherspoon probably just sharted

Part of me has a problem with the ending too. It does not end the way I thought it was going to which I usually praise, but I don't like it this time around because it suggests that the nice guy loses. I shall say no more than that, but it rubbed me the wrong way.


But minor gripes aside, This Means War is why I go to the movies. It entertained me by making me laugh, blowing some s**t up, and allowing some big name actors to just have some fun. If there is one thing I have learned from this movie specifically, it is that I urge people to not take critics at their word. 9 times out of 10, they are so disconnected from what an entertaining film is these days that they wouldn't know a funny line or a silly scenario if it slapped them in their pompous cheeks. Hell, you don't even have to take my word for it, I'm just a kid writing movie reviews to try and save people some money. What I can tell you is that I enjoyed This Is War and I would see it again. 


Pros:

• Characters may be paper-thin, but that is sorta McG's style. Chuck had great characters because it was a TV show, not a 2 hour movie. I personally liked what each actor or actress brought to the table, and each character was unique
• Hilarious scenarios throughout the movie. Once both guys start dating her at the same time, I was laughing at a very constant rate
• Great one-liners that come quickly so you might miss them. Warrants a second viewing
• Facial expressions are so funny. A black lady in the dog shelter comes to mind immediately
• Just plain fun. A movie that you can watch with almost anyone at anytime and not be disappointed

Cons:

• The action is pretty lame other than the beginning scene which is somewhat shocking for a McG film
• Gunshots sound fake. Intentional? I don't think so, but they sound really bad
• The bad-Russian-guy subplot is completely unnecessary and was probably added in by a third grader
• Not a fan of the way it ends. Had me entertained the entire movie and then goes and frustrates me in the last 5 minutes with an ending I did not want
• Plays out more like a TV show than a movie as far as SFX, cinematography, and editing are concerned

Rath's Review Score: 8/10